Improving Self Esteem

by May Bleeker, 26 February 2009 (Updated 8 July 2009)

Improving self esteem - are you feeling lucky?

Did you know that people with high self esteem have a lot in common with lucky people?

But not in the way you might think.

I read a book called The Luck Factor that contains research about lucky people. And I found some interesting similarities between people who believe they are lucky and people with high self esteem.

For example, researchers found that the luck that people experience is not due to pure chance alone. Lucky people act and think in ways that contribute to their good fortune. The way they interact with the world actually increases their chances of being lucky.

In a similar way, people with high self esteem also act and think in ways that contribute to their self esteem! The way they interact with the world improves their chances of success and helps them keep on developing positive self esteem.

Dr Richard Wiseman, the author of the book, discovered that people who think they are lucky are generally more optimistic and relaxed than people who see themselves as unlucky.

Experiments showed they were more likely to have windfalls, like spotting money lying in the road, or finding an ad for free goods in the paper than people who feel unlucky.

The unlucky people, on the other hand, were so caught up in their own anxious thoughts that they rushed right by these same items. Without knowing why, they missed exactly the same opportunities that lucky people benefited from.

It was the relaxed attitude that seemed to result in the luck and the tense, anxious approach that seemed to cause people to overlook the good things that were right in front of them.

Improving self esteem is not up to chance

People with high self esteem are also generally more optimistic and relaxed than people who have lower self esteem. You might wonder which comes first, the chicken or the egg. But either way, having a calm, positive approach makes you more likely to experience situations in a positive way.

People who are fearful and anxious - characteristics of low self esteem, might have unfortunate experiences, at least partly because they expect things to go wrong.

This is called a self-fulfilling prophecy. When you get what you expect, because your expectations influence events towards that outcome.

Lucky people were also found to be quite friendly and outgoing and more inclined to start chatting to strangers in a coffee shop. These 'chance' encounters sometimes proved very helpful in some way. Those who keep to themselves or hide behind a newspaper have less chance of a 'lucky encounter'.

People with high self esteem also tend to be more confident and relaxed in social situations than those with poor self esteem. They are able to interact more easily with a wider range of people, giving them more opportunities for 'successful encounters' than those who keep to themselves due to social stress or lack of social skills.

Improving self esteem means changing beliefs

What you believe about yourself is a key element in both feeling lucky and having high self esteem. If you believe you are lucky and act like a lucky person - your chances of experiencing luck increase. Dr Richard Wiseman showed this in his book.

In the same way, if you believe you are a capable person and act like a capable person - your chances of success increase. This success contributes to improving self esteem.

But what if you are not lucky and don't feel capable or have high self esteem?

Can things change? YES! Just as you can improve your luck by learning the habits of being lucky - you can improve your self esteem by learning the habits of high self esteem.

This doesn't mean you improve your chances of winning the lottery (sorry) - because the lottery is based on chance. But there are many aspects of luck that are not only based on chance. They are influenced by behaviour and intention. The same is true for self esteem.

Making positive self esteem a habit

A habit is simply a set of behaviours that you do so often that it becomes second nature. The aim is to improve self esteem by learning high self esteem behaviours and practicing them until they become your second nature.

7 Characteristics of High Self Esteem You Can Develop

High self awareness (Living Consciously)

Self love and self acceptance
(through cultivating a sense of gratitude , reducing self criticism, using affirmations )

Self respect.
(through learning to be assertive and acting with integrity)

Being true to yourself.

Fear doesn't rule

Seeing the positive.

Helping others.

Don't just accept that you are 'unlucky' or that things don't work out well for you. At least some of the outcome is in your hands. You can influence the way things turn out.

Don't let your self esteem be determined by what has happened in the past. Find ways to create a more positive sense of yourself in this very moment. Why not?